Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
