it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
