Walk of Shame. In a state park.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
