I cockslap morals
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize