You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
