well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
