Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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