"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
