Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
