I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize