I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
