Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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