Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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