now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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