I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
