just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
