I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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