Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
