i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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