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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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