I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
