Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
