I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize