I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
