I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
