tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
