I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
