dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
