I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
