Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
