Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize