This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
