I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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