Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
