butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
