Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
