your parents love me but you hate me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
