I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
