i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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