Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
