He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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