Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
