I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
