I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
