how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize