Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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