i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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