I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
