Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
