If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
