his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
