I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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