I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize