ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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