Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Randomize
