i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
