I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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