I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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