i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
