I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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