Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
