i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
