I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
