Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
