It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
