Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
