Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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