you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They took my balls.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
