i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
