What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
