you would pick up someone in the library
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
