im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize