I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
