I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
