it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
