Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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