That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
