Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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