he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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