He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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