Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
