Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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