I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
