I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
